Neuroses

"A psychological state characterized by excessive anxiety or insecurity without evidence of neurologic or other organic disease, sometimes accompanied by defensive or immature behaviors. This term is no longer used in psychiatric diagnosis." --from www.dictionary.com

1) Via an instant messaging service, I informed a friend this morning that her long pause before responding to a question had me worried she was no longer interested in my neuroses. I thought I was hilarious. But what I really wanted to tell her about--or actually show her--was an email I had just written to a guy. Now this guy was at one point someone I had romantic feelings for but who is now a friend. Not just a friend b/c I hope to never refer to anyone as "just" my friend. What else is there in the world better than friends? But I was sending this guy a confrontational email in regards to his poor habits in responding to other messages from me. To the tune of three phone calls, one facebook message and now two emails in six weeks from me; silence from him. So the email was a "dude, so not cool," "I want to be able to value our friendship," "prove to me that you care at all that I am sad about this situation" kind of email. Equal parts bitchy and upset in the way that word means sad, not angry. The appropriate balance, I would think.

But this got me thinking about the nature of friendships. What do I require from my friends? And what it mostly came down to, other than a sense of adventure when it comes to laughing or the possibility of laughing at Dinosaur comics, is enough investment in the relationship to engage in it. I mean, I have lots of friends who fall into lots of different categories. But what it all boils down to is that my friends are people who I like, that make me laugh, and who I know I can count on when I am in situations. Of course, certain friends are only to be counted on in certain situations, but there is always that handful (if you are lucky) of people who you know will be there for you no matter what.

So I am waiting for a response from my guy friend. Because how much can I be expected to invest when he's not willing to give me anything from time to time?

2) Because I was feeling particularly un-springlike yesterday morning, I chose to wear a bright yellow shirt. It's a cute tank top that I bought for my vacation in Maui, so completely impractical for WI this time of year. I paired it with a long shirt gray and white shirt printed with flowers and jeans. I wore pearls. I straightened my hair.

It was all an attempt to attract the attention of a certain handsome guy in my poetry class. Handsome _______, we'll call him. (Which is actually his nickname, with his real name inserted in the blank. Creative, right?) But so I got to feel good about myself all day, and got compliments about my outfit, and felt spring-y. And the kicker was supposed to be having him see me being/doing all these things. So yes, I definitely set out with this plan in mind.

And then he didn't show up for class.